PONDOPOLIS—Just when you thought it was over—it isn’t.
Honky, as we have learned (“The Story of Honky”, June 19), is a goose with a bad attitude and troubled past who is now facing multiple indictments over fraudulent online offers to teach cows and especially calves “how you can fly with Immobilizen®.”
The boisterous goose is accused of misleading bovine followers by promising them flight, claiming that as taught by geese, Immobilizen® (a form of meditation pioneered by controversial greenheaded celebguru Little Steve {now in career resurgence with Blockhead Boyz}) can help cows to fly without actually moooving.
“The tendency of the cow is to mooove,” Honky honked in promo, “but if cows remain still then all they have to do is dream how to fly and do it—geese know how—we have showed many cows their new flight-path.”
“But cows can’t fly,” cownalyst Moo Sweeny cowntered.
“I think therefore I am—you are not thinking you silly dumb cow—they think they fly so now they are flying—why won’t you think the way we tell U dumb silly cow—you are skeert—moohoo baby skeert to fly U R bad xample to brave flying cows everywhere.”
“But cows don’t have wings like geese do.”
“I am rightwing,” Honky flaps in latest defense, “becuz if yr wings R not right then neighther R U—stop neighsaying horses and cows becuz the red bull can give a cow wings and probly horses 2—we are not neighsayers becuz we have seen pretty pink horses with wings called peggysues and they can fly bigtime.”
“If we let delinquent geese make things up becuz they sound good,” cownalyst Mark Mooley mignoned, “then this is what happens—herds of hypnobeef thinking they are zen warrior eagles or some stupid shit, when they are in fact renegade cows with numbered eartags who cannot fly and will never fly unless they wind up as BBQ Beef on some fancy UFO—geese who make things up are a bad idea for the pond and the herd.”
Honky is currently in hiding. “She pushed her luck and it ran out,” former owner Frank Farmer fumed. “Silly dumb goose.”
Peggy Sue Neightion»»»»»»»»»Whinnyweek